It’s the Big One

Fred Sanford’s Big One was a feigned heart attack pulled out whenever he needed a break from his most recent poor choice. He’d call on his late wife, Elizabeth, and let her know he was going to join her. Whether he was conning Lena Horn or getting his son to stay close by, Fred (Redd Foxx) was strategic in his use of this ploy. He’d dramatize upset, claim status, draw attention, and manipulate others by calling out her name while clutching his chest.

My own real-life “Big Ones” were a decade ago or more. But I’m about to have another one soon.

Age 35

At the end of the month, I am turning 75.

When Mozart was my age, he had been dead for 43 years; Jesus, 45. When my dad, Wladislaus Dziadosz, was my age, he had been dead for six years. So, this is a Big One to me.

To be frank, I am also writing about the Big One to manipulate, dramatize, and draw attention.

I want gifts. Big, embarrassing, generous gifts.

But, even more specifically, I do NOT want things. I do NOT want experiences. I do NOT have a bucket list that wants funding. No, I want gifts in the form of donations to be given to organizations committed to community well-being.

Don’t know what size? One size fits all, but feel free to do XXL.

Unsure of what color? Green.

Not sure when? Now.

Unclear about where? Try these: